Today we circle around a critical bit of information for those interested in discovering what they really, really want in life.
I say circle, because no matter how hard I tried, and it’s been over a week now, I haven’t been able to find a direct and simple way to talk about this material.
Whether it’s me, whether it’s the content, whether it’s the alignment of the stars, I decided to deliver today’s post like one would play a game of capture the flag: sprint in, dash out, sprint in, dash out until that one successful run that makes you the victor. Well, that’s the idea anyway.
So to start with, here’s the flag, the concept that must be captured to win:
What ultimately differentiates you from others and informs what you really, really want is how you go about satisfying the core human needs we all share. It's the thing that must finally be understood to know what matters to you, what inspires, satisfies, elevates and moves you. Living in sync with your personal spin on essential need satisfaction is the key to not only your aliveness, but a life of fulfillment.
See. I told you I couldn’t get it simple!
So that’s the flag, and some of you will make a run on it right off. It’s one strategy, and might get you caught, but no worries, with a little luck you'll get tagged back into the game.
Now the flag can be hidden anywhere, which also seems to align with our situation. For some it will reveal itself behind an “aha!” For others it will appear in stages and after dogged and incremental effort. It’s the nature of the game you’re in.
I'll lay out several routes of attack, and you get to choose what works for you. Or maybe go for them all.
First task for everyone is to understand the difference between your essential and more superficial desires. Here’s the game rule on that:
The way we test a desire’s necessity is by asking this simple question: without the thing/experience I desire, do I become unsafe in some way, or does my aliveness suffer? If the answer to either is yes, the thing/experience is essential to you at this time and reveals at least one way you like to get at least one essential need met.
For some of you this is all the direction you’ll need to capture the flag. If not, keep going.
If you read my last post, you’ll have been given the sustained why-method for discovering essential needs. For some, working this process will get you closer to the flag.
If you really worked the why-method you no doubt discovered that in the end all your wants and desires are in fact fueled by needs most of us share: core needs like safety, belonging, health and happiness.
These core needs define us as humans, as part of the collective, but are not the collective’s many expressions, not the things that define our individuality and make us uniquely who we are.
Ready for the next game instruction?
To discover your unique individuality you have to mine the layer of experience just above our common needs. This layer of want is where you'll find the most important information for what you really, really want. It’s where you’ll see your preferences played out, how you like the common needs satisfied.
Anyone at “aha?”
Safety for me might mean ten months of mortgage tucked in a bank account, for you, steady rains during the growing season, for another, marrying up. The drama and mark of our individual lives gets expressed in how we engage with the core needs. Moving through this layer of experience is sure to get you in touch with what you really, really want.
“Oh. Damn. Someone just made it to home with the flag-in-the-shirt trick. Clever devil.”
As always, join me in the comment thread below with your game stories.
"In the purple rain…."