Today I reveal a simple - we all know it - but profound - no one ever thinks of it - fact which is going to change forever your concept of boundary-making, or yes/no-making as we've been calling it.
When you think of exercising your limits, or boundaries, I bet your head goes right to the nos. "No, you can't borrow the car," or "we've done Italian three times, can't we do Thai tonight?" delivered in a growly, exasperated tone for emphasis.
When I talk with folks about boundaries in relationship they always think limits, or their nos.
It seems we're conditioned to think first toward survival - keeping bad things out - and not expansion, bringing good stuff in.
But the truth is that boundaries have both an inner and outer edge. Someone or a situation can "cross your boundaries" not only by being intrusive, moving too close, but by being too distant and not showing up in the way you need or want.
Absence is a boundary-cross as significant as invasion.
To live well, you have to fully own that your yeses are fundamental to who you are, that your aliveness, built on the exercise of your yeses, is a right.
It's not just accepting baseline existence, focusing on what you need to avoid to stay safe, but realizing that each situation you're in should also be contributing to your thrive account, or the positives you want from life.
When you own the outer edge of your boundaries, the place where your yeses live, you reclaim your joy.
When you act from both boundary edges, your nos and your yeses, you discover the zone in which comfort and optimal functioning occur naturally.
I'd love to hear how exercising the yes-edge of your boundary is changing your experience of life/work/love. As always, join me in the comment thread below to keep the conversation going. I actually enjoy listening in and commenting on your experiences, so feel free to participate.