It's easy to get trapped in the story of your "UNs," with your UN-worthy character often chief protagonist and villain.
And when UN-worthy reigns, it's not uncommon to find these additional cast of characters assembled: UN-loved and UN-lovable, UN-attractive, UN-suited, UN-able, UN-motivated, UN-sure, UN-stable and UN-der-performing.
The "UNs" act like an extended family system, the dysfunctional side, all living on the same street. Invite one to dinner, or heaven forbid, let it occupy the guest room for a spell and you just might find yourself groaning under the weight and overwhelm of a massive pile-on.
The Hard Fix
Any reasonably-sized bookstore will help you here. At the moment there's likely half a dozen books offering reasonable fixes for the "UN" problem, how to let go of or make peace with each of the "UNs" mentioned above.
And in this method, once you've figured out how to restore your self esteem, find direction at work and passion in the bedroom, you'd be on to the next level of fixes. The ones that deal with all the cross-over issues such as finding your self esteem at work and in the bedroom, or your direction in life and love, and your passion in who you are and what you do.
And if your list of issues is on the longer side, so too would be the many configurations and dynamics to be tackled. There's probably something in there right now on codependency and your pet Walter.
The hard fix is hard simply because it's endless. It's a kind of psychological whack-a-mole approach that easily and predictably leads to overwhelm and modest, often very modest change.
You could tackle your "UNs" that way, the hard way, or you could deal with them the easy way.
The Easy Fix
The easy fix is easy because there's only one thing to do, and if done thoroughly goes on to significantly impact every one of the "UNs" noted above. It impacts your self esteem, work direction and passion, your motivation, stability, performance, aliveness and more. It's the panacea everyone only wished existed.
I bet you want to know what it is, so I"ll tell.
Positive change in every area of your life follows naturally from one thing. It follows from thoroughly believing you have worth - and acting thoroughly on that belief.
Ok. In reality you don't even have to be 100% thorough in your self-believe for that belief to start working kind-of miracles. If you merely start going in the direction of your self-valuing you will already begin to notice positive changes across the board.
I know. It's simple. And sometimes the simplest things are the most disturbing and hard to accept. So breath, and stay with me.
Living by Faith
We all do it. And it matters to our discussion.
The truth is that we already believe so many things for which we have no fundamental proof. That the world won't implode tomorrow, that our knees won't buckle when we walk down the stairs, or if they do, that the railing we hold onto for support won't itself give way, or if it does, that the myriad insurances we carry will take over and take care.
Because the hard truth is that we can only assume what the next moment will bring, can only trust and have faith it will yield what we trust it to.
And if you think about it, most every moment we live is permeated through and through by just such small to large acts of faith.
Why Acknowledging Faith Matters
Taking a minute to acknowledge and really take in just how much you depend on faith, or "your choices, or habits of belief" to run your life does something very profound. It exposes just how much authority you actually have in determining what you experience. It places the responsibility for much of your reality squarely where it belongs, on you.
The "fact" of your worth is just like that. You can choose to believe it, or you can not.
Ultimately there is nothing to categorically prove your worth or your lack of it. It's all subjectively defined by the context in which you exist. And the contexts are always changing, nation to nation, neighborhood to neighborhood, street to street and even house to house. It changes person to person and even within ourselves, from one moment to the next.
Ultimately the "fact" of your worth is not a fact at all; it's a choice. It's another faith-based decision, one that you can't prove your way into, though you may often try, and in truth, can't prove your way out of either.
Whether you experience yourself as worthy is your choice.
The You Who Has Worth
But if you do, if you choose to believe you are a person of worth, you create new possibilities for yourself.
You position yourself to receive and be nourished by the good in life, to become the better version of yourself with all the pleasure and meaning this version can provide. And most important, you become a portal through which all your native brilliance can shine into the world, a world which is just waiting and wanting the light that you are.
It's good for you. It's good for all of us. Accept your worth, and let yourself shine.