If you were gifted one thing this holiday that would really set you up for a life of happiness and well-being, it would not be the following: generational wealth, that perfect partner, or even radiant health. I know, hard to believe, but stick with me here.
These things, tasty as they may be, are often expressions of the gift-that-should-be-on-your-wish-list, not the gift itself. You get this, because you've felt happiness and well-being without these maniacally pursued commodities, and may even know folks living with one or more of them but experiencing little joy.
So what IS that one coveted and transformative gift for which we should all be hoping, praying and throwing tantrums?
If you've been with me these last weeks you know what I'm going to say, so join me in a great and swelling chorus:
"The greatest gift, which will position you for a life of happiness, security and aliveness is one that only you can give, and is of course your ability to make authentic boundaries."
Because when you know who you are, and what you want - all extensions of solid boundary-making, you have the clarity, motivation, perseverance and entitlement to get it - also extensions of solid boundary-making.
But it's the holidays, so instead of a lot of talk, talk, talkin' boundary-making, I have a boundary-lovin' gift for you, a gorgeous downloadable info-graphic that will speed your way toward mastery of your boundary-making skills and the good life that comes with it.
We'll end our ten-part series today on boundary, yes/no-making with a present and our last post, and as promised, leverage the incredible ability of your yes/no-making to create the intimacy many of you long for, and secretly added to your holiday wish-list.
It's easy to think of intimacy woes as a you-them thing. If you could just fix/adjust/improve X (or for some it's X and X and X), your intimacy troubles would be over.
Problem is, intimacy challenges are not a you-them thing. They may show up there, but they don't start there. Intimacy problems are a you-you thing, and can be fixed only in the you-you matrix.
I know it's a big statement, but I'm going to say it.
Intimacy problems stem from just one thing, poor boundary, yes/no-making skills.
While you may be able to cite a laundry list of events that have impacted your ability to connect intimately, if you think about it, they've done this by affecting your ability to make and sustain healthy boundaries. Give that one a moment's think-through.
When you're compromised in your ability to say and do Yes and No as needed, your actions only serve to move you farther from your happiness: your safety, authenticity and aliveness.
You grow to be a distant version of your true self.
How does heaping wealth, health or relationship on top of this discordant state create well-being? It doesn't. It creates unease and discomfort, the fuel of much overdoing and continued discontent.
But be of cheer. There's a way back toward truth and intimacy with yourself, and it's the path of right boundary, yes/no-making. And what starts as intimacy with yourself will in time result in intimacy with others.
You can count on it.
As we round out this year and look ahead to the next, I wish for you only clear and confident boundary, yes/no-making and the abundance of good that will follow.
To keep inspired on your path to mastery, download your boundary, yes-no making info-graphic holiday stocking-stuffer here. It's my gift to you, to all intrepid boundary-makers.
With gratitude and much holiday cheer,