How to Leave Burnout Behind in 2022

Right now every third headline seems to be about burnout. It’s the follow-on pandemic behind the more obvious one on everyone’s mind.

I get it; there really are extraordinary demands on us at this time. And most everyone‘s over-the-top-busy trying to figure things out and stay afloat. And yet it’s interesting that from this state of depletion we continue to choose more depletion, in a way saddling ourselves with more of the very thing we’re trying to escape.

Let’s be clear. I’m certain no one wakes up with the ambition to create more exhaustion and overwhelm for themselves. At least no one I know chooses burnout so directly.

But when there are opportunities to choose differently and we don’t, well, what do you call that? I call it the indirect route to burnout, the discreet way women do themselves in.

The reasons we might give for staying tethered to our hamster wheel most often have to do with what I call “reward dosing.” We don’t choose over-production because we’re trying to stretch ourselves to breaking. Nope. Usually we’re going for the goodies,” the little hits of praise, or appreciation, or favors or outright money we get in exchange for our willingness to yield to over-production.

Reward-dosing is a powerful incentive to keep us on the scramble. If I ended the post right here, the question of why we’re so vulnerable to reward-dosing could generate enough to reflect on for some serious re-directs and newfound ease in the New Year. And if you do want to stop reading now, here’s a good way to ponder it all. Ask yourself: “what am I really getting -  and really losing - when I squeeze myself, my needs and wants, into the margins and chance moments of each day?”

But for those of you who want to go a bit deeper there’s more to discuss if you’re seriously aiming to knock the burnout-monkey off your backs.

Because there’s a more intimate, more nefarious reason women become mired in over-production and burnout.

And the reason is that some of us have an addictive attachment to overwork.

It’s a condition that’s closer-to-home and more urgent than “reward-dosing,” and must be addressed if we really want to pry the monkey loose.  

You can tell the situation’s gone beyond a fairly “normal” appreciation for having your value recognized - with the rewards that follow - when you’ve slipped into a sort of dependent relationship with those rewards, i.e. you just don’t feel good on a number of levels if they’re withheld. That’s the dependency part.

This external “valuing” comes to be how you perceive your value, the worth you feel and the means by which you evaluate yourself. It then also tends to define your meaning and purpose in life, and without its course-setting you may feel adrift and empty.

Ask yourself. When you’re not cruising on the adrenaline of endless unanswered emails and VM’s, and the length of your to-do list is actually shortening, how do you feel? Do you know where you’re going and what your life’s about if you’re not in hot pursuit of some pre-determined goal? Without a steady stream of validation from others, or from some acknowledged status, do you question your contribution and worth?

You can tell you’re slipping into an addictive attachment to over-production when you question your worth, or feel empty or lost without the validation or sense of purpose that the “reward-dosing” of over-production gives you.

While we’re digging around down here I want to acknowledge that feelings of loss or emptiness – sometimes also experienced as profound boredom – aren’t only related to an addictive attachment to over-production. And even when they are related, there are still gradations to this dependency.

But when things are generally ok and working and you still feel empty and lost and in need of the external validation that comes with over-production, something more central is likely amiss. Or really missing. And what’s missing has to do with your Self, and how you do or don’t communicate with that Self and how you do or don’t show up for that Self.

What Self am I talking about here? I’m talking about your real Self, the Self that existed before all the junk got layered on and in. The Self that’s a perfect reflection of who you are. The Self that many allude to when they talk about the authentic Self, even if it only exists for many of us as an idea and an ideal.

Do you have a sense of who this Self is as it’s related to you? And how deep and solid is this knowledge of yourself? The degree of your “addictive-attachment” to overproduction might give you a valuable clue.

And if you do have some real inkling of who you are, are you living your life and taking your actions in keeping with who you are, the things you need and want? And just as importantly, are you familiar with your organic and chosen limits, and if so, how well do you respect and safeguard them? In other words, is stepping out of over-production even an option for you at this time?

If it is, I want to propose a different way of moving through your day, and it has to do with meaningful production as opposed to over-production.

Meaningful production is taking care of business through actions that respond to the moment AND truly represent who you are: your needs/wants and limits. And as you can likely sense, meaningful production naturally creates ease and balance with all you do because it’s based on who you truly are.

By this definition, meaningful production can’t actually happen without the participation of one’s authentic Self. See why so many of us are stuck in burnout?

The uncertainty that often surfaces when asked about one’s relationship to one’s Self lies, I believe, at the root of all that ails women today. I’d describe it as an extensive disengagement with one’s native Self. This personal alienation continues to operate at epic levels today despite all the advances we as women have been able to achieve.

So if you’re feeling shaky in your relationship with your authentic Self, take comfort, you’re not alone. You also didn’t create this situation in which you find yourself floundering. It’s bigger than you. But just because the dynamics are bigger than you doesn’t mean you have to continue to be defined by them.

Because getting the fact that you’re out-of-synch with who you are is both a diagnosis and the prescription for healing.

So how do you return to an intimate and real relationship with your true self?

In any way that works for you. That’s really the answer.

Many of you are already deeply engaged in the process of that return. And I want to honor those of you on the journey, and as always offer you my continued encouragement and support.

But for those just getting how out-of-synch they are with themselves and looking to make changes, or for those who’ve been searching for a more targeted, supported, and sustainable way to make the journey back home to the Self, there’s help at hand.

The School of Dae Nova’s signature curriculum – The Via Dae Nova – is designed to take women back to the very beginning to learn the tools needed to answer the question “who am I really?” And once that foundation’s been set, the curriculum addresses how to live one’s authenticity and unique brilliance into the world, safely, successfully and with increasing confidence, ease, joy, vitality, purpose and impact. It’s really the A-Z of living with ease, confidence, and success, and all without burnout.

The Via Dae Nova is an innovative, immersive, 3-month online course/retreat that might just provide the momentum you’ve been looking for. And the next round starts next week, Jan. 16th. There’s still time to be part of it, and to bring a whole new level of engagement into the New Year and what lies beyond. Learn more here…